They’re playing Monster Mash on the radio again which means the weirdest of our quasi-holidays comes a-knock-knock-knockin’ on our proverbial front doors. Looking around, it seems like a zillion people take their Halloween observance seriously, more so than lovey-dovey Valentine’s Day or sentimental Mothers Day. Well, maybe not a zillion, but spooky decorations were springing up a good month ahead and stores start running out of oversized packages of fun-size Twizzlers and Snickers well before the day in question.

For those Halloween devotees who want to make a weekend of it, tomorrow is Frankenstein Friday, celebrating the birth of Frankenstein in 1818. To clear up a little confusion, the scientist that created the monster was Victor Frankenstein. The fellow he created from various parts of dead people was Frankenstein’s Monster. I’m just wondering what his DNA would look like.

Then comes Saturday, Halloween Eve, otherwise known as Mischief Night. This one goes back to the 1770s and you have to be careful with this one, lest one’s behind doesn’t get decorated with buckshot after soaping windows, egging cars, or toilet-papering a house.

Considering that Halloween is a throwback to Celtic pagan ceremonies, I find it interesting how it’s now linked in some people’s minds with Día de los Muertos, the Day of the Dead. And I don’t mean the ghoulish creatures in the movie Day of the Dead or the show The Walking Dead and all that zombie nonsense. No, Día de los Muertos is actually a celebration of life and honoring our ancestors, as opposed to Halloween, which is for dressing up and OD-ing on sugar. But I sure do like those sugar skulls.

I was reading that the most popular kid’s costumes this year are the Cheshire Cat, Corpse Bride, Cruella and other Disney villains. No doubt, Spiderman is still an all-time favorite, as well as Wonder Woman, and the all-purpose witch.

Masks from Squid Game are also being Googled, and for some reason, a gorilla costume is up there, too. And don’t forget the walking dead, which may be the easiest; just a little store-bought ghoulish make-up and some old clothes and you’ve got it.

Hey, if anyone needs some shabby clothes, I’ve been going through my closet in my annual purge. I threw away an old frayed shirt, one of my favorites, just last week as part of my fall cleaning and it was like turning back on an old friend. I’m wondering if everybody is like that; old t-shirts from concerts, sentimental things.

Heck, I’ve hung on to certain articles of clothing for years. Shoes, too. And I even have a drawerful of discarded wallets that I just can’t seem to part with. They’re my backup wallets. Just like my backup sweat pants.

Or, my backup VCR.

“A what?” the granddaughter asks.

“A VCR,” the grandfather says. “It’s a machine that plays a VHS tape.”

“A what? she asks.

“A VHS tape,” he says. “It’s like a cassette.”

“A what?” she asks.

“A cassette,” the grandfather says. “A plastic case with two spools inside for the tape.”

“You mean like a Scotch tape dispenser?” she asks.

“Well, no,” the grandfather says. “It’s a tape with movies in it,” I say. “Like a DVD has.”

“A what?” she asks.

But I digress.

Speaking of Halloween and VHS tapes, I was watching my copy of Dracula last Sunday, the one with Bela Lugosi from 1931; the one that uses Tchaikovsky’s Swan Lake as its theme song. The funny thing is, it seemed to fit, but on the other hand I can’t imagine a horror film these days using it.

Dracula was among the kind of horror movies I grew up with, way before cable or satellite, and there were only three or four television channels, all of which signed off at midnight with the Star-Spangled Banner. We’d stay up late on Friday night to be scared watching Frankenstein’s monster, the mummy and the werewolf on Shock Theater.

What I call fun-scary.

Anyway, as far as horror movies go, I’ll be skipping all those trendy slasher ones. I mean, heck, if you want to hear blood-curdling screams just tell your wife there’s a spider on her neck.

But I, again, digress.

I’m thinking if I was going to dress up for Halloween I’d get out a heavy winter coat, put on a pair of woolen mittens, grab a camp chair and sit on the front porch like Bernie Sanders at the inauguration.

And don’t forget that Election Day is Tuesday. No matter who you vote for, just git’r done, and whatever the outcome I don’t want to hear any whining. Or gloating. Enough.

I’ll repeat, if I may, something the late columnist Molly Ivins of Texas once said, “The thing about democracy…is that it is not neat, orderly or quiet. It requires a certain relish for confusion.”

John Larson, El Defensor Chieftain